Keegan, the Restroom and The Reason England Fans Should Cherish This Period

Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated an official from the local fire department. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|